


A Life Without You

by SpicyPepper_SweetSugar



Series: The Crumbled Papers Collection [2]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/M, Mentions of Connor Hawke, alternative ending, and maybe some crying too, most likely, prepare for heartbreak, to Crumbled Papers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-15
Updated: 2014-07-15
Packaged: 2018-02-08 23:38:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1960530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpicyPepper_SweetSugar/pseuds/SpicyPepper_SweetSugar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after Chapter 24 (Scars) of Crumbled Papers.</p>
<p>*Alternative ending to Crumbled Papers*: Things don't always go as you hope, which Oliver and Felicity learn the hard way...</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Life Without You

**Author's Note:**

> IMPORTANT: Okay peeps, listen up!
> 
> This one-shot, is the alternative ending to my multi-chap fic "Crumbled Papers". If you haven't read that first, this story most likely won't make any sense, so I suggest you new readers go ahead and read that first!
> 
> Those of you who have read Crumbled Papers, you have to know that this one-shot begins where chapter 24 ended (where Dr. Applebeam walks in and brings the news after Felicity's operation).
> 
> That said, I hope you're prepared for a little heart break at least, because we all know how this ends... Also, remember that the real ending is still the one that was in the "official" story, so this is just what would have happened if it had gone the other way!
> 
> Oh, and also, the point of views sort of change through out the chapter, but I think it's pretty clear...
> 
> Now, get some ice-cream, put on some sad instrumental music and please, ENJOY! =)

" **Crumbled Papers"**

**Alternate Ending: A Life Without You**

**Word Count: 9,076**

* * *

What was happening? Where were they even?

Oliver stared at Dr. Applebeam who approached them slowly from the door, his face a mask in every way. Usually, Oliver had no problem in reading what a person was thinking, but as Felicity's hand clutched his and they waited for the news to be delivered, he found it not only hard to decipher the doctor's expression, but also he seemed to have forgotten how to breathe entirely.

Dr. Applebeam looked up from the charts. As his face fell, Oliver's heart sank and all the hope he had been feeling earlier faded, as if it had never been there at all.

"Felicity," the doctor spoke calmly. "We were able to remove part of the growth, but there was no way of knowing how much damage it had done until we opened you up. Unfortunately, it seems like the tumors have spread to your liver and you kidneys and we noticed a small growth on your right lung as well. We tried our best to remove whatever tumors we could, to buy you some more time, but..."

The doctor's mouth moved but Oliver didn't hear anything. His ears were ringing as he realized that the worst thing possible had happened.

Felicity was dying.

There was nothing else they could do.

_His_  Felicity, the love of his life, was  _dying_  and he couldn't save her or protect her from the enemy inside of her.

His throat felt thick and he tried to swallow and take a breath, but his mouth had gone dry, making it impossible for him to do so. Felicity's hand that was holding onto his for dear life, gave him a reassuring squeeze and he was once again struck by just how amazing the woman laying on the hospital bed was. He turned to look at Diggle, who held an impassive expression as he listened intently to what the doctor had to say. The older man turned around and met his gaze and instantly, Oliver felt all the pain his friend had been keeping bottled up.

"I'm sorry," the doctor said with a curt nod. The other doctors who had followed him into the room were shifting on their feet and Oliver couldn't help but wonder, if he was making them uncomfortable by staring at them.

He turned his attention to Felicity instead. She was still holding onto his and Diggle's hands, uniting them as a team that had been hoping for better news. What surprised him the most though, seemed to be that she didn't look surprised at all. Had she been prepared for this? Had she known all along that there would be no future for them? Had she known that she would leave him?

"How long do I have doctor?"

Felicity's voice startled him, breaking him out of his thoughts with a jolt. She sounded strong but Oliver didn't know whether it was an act to cover up the turmoil of emotions she must have reeling inside of her.

"A few weeks at most," Dr. Applebeam replied sadly. "A I said, we were able to remove some of the growths and that might have bought you some time... If you're lucky, you might have month or so."

Oliver watched as Felicity nodded her head, not looking at the doctor anymore, but rather at the blanket that was covering her.

"Thank you." The word sounded so final, coming from her mouth and something inside of Oliver twitched. The doctors excused themselves and retreated out of the room and Oliver couldn't help but feel anger boil up inside of him as he turned to the woman laying on the bed.

"How can you thank him, Felicity?" he exclaimed once he was sure the door was closed. She looked up at him, her face perfectly neutral. It was almost as if she hadn't just learned that she would most likely be dead by the end of the month.

"Oliver..." she trailed off, taking a deep breath. She closed her eyes, clearly struggling with what to say, but he shook his head and spoke before she had a chance to.

"He was supposed to cure you!" he said. "He was supposed to  _save_  you, when  _I_ couldn't!" His voice cracked and his breaths came a lot harsher, his vision blurring with tears. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw how Diggle sat down on a chair and buried his face in his hand, the other one still holding onto Felicity's.

"Oliver!" Felicity said loudly, before he had a chance to keep ranting. "It's okay," she told him, a sad smile appearing on her face. "It's okay..." A couple of tears fell from her eyes and he sat down on the bed next to her, careful not to hurt her since she had just gotten out of surgery.

"But it's  _not_  okay, Felicity," he mumbled, his own tears falling as he put his forehead on her shoulder, bending down uncomfortably. He didn't care about the fact that his neck would probably hurt like hell later, because the pain would be nothing compared to the pain he was currently feeling in his heart.

"I know, Oliver. I know," Felicity cried, holding onto him and Diggle for dear life, as the three of them cried silently, together.

-§-

Felicity was laying in the hospital bed a couple of days later, looking up at the ceiling, thinking about how things could have gone this far. She wanted to cry out that she didn't deserve to die. She was still so young and she had  _years and years_  ahead of her, but there was no point. Deep down, Felicity knew that no one deserved to die this way and she had told Oliver that multiple times over the course of these months. Everything she had said, had been to protect him and Diggle. She knew both men loved her and she loved them back just as much, which only made it harder for her to accept the fact that she would be leaving them.

Diggle had gone home to change and get some rest after Felicity had threatened to call the guards on him just so he would get out of there, but Oliver had refused to leave and honestly, she wanted to have him there. The only thing she hated about having him there was that he was hurting constantly. Sometimes, she caught him looking at the clock on the wall and she wondered whether he was counting the time they had left together. She felt awful about hurting him and she had never intended to cause him more pain, which was why she hadn't yet told him how much she loved him too. How could she even say it now, when she knew that there was no cure for her?

The door to her room opened all of the sudden and she turned to look at a disheveled looking Oliver who was walking quickly toward her.

"Oliver?" she asked, looking at him warily as he reached for the chair and pulled it closer to her bed. He had gone out to get himself some coffee and had been away for longer than expected. He sat down on the chair and grabbed her hand in his before putting his forehead on her bed, not saying a word.

He was breathing calmly and she wondered what was going on with him and why he was acting the way he was. It wasn't the first time he'd come into her room and stayed with her in silence and deep down, she knew it was his way of saying everything he couldn't say to her. He was still protecting her, just as she continued to stubbornly protect him too.

Slowly, Oliver raised his head and her eyes met his. There were a thousand haunting thoughts flashing through his azure eyes and Felicity didn't know how to name even one of them, when he finally spoke:

"Marry me."

Felicity stared at him with wide eyes. Had her heart stopped beating?

"What?" she asked him incredulously.

"Marry me," he repeated, his face somber and his tone more serious than it had ever been before.

"You're insane," she managed to choke out, her eyes still wide as saucers. The tiredness she had been feeling previously had completely disappeared and she had never felt more awake than in this moment.

"Insanely in love with you," he said, the corner of his lips twitching into a half-smile at his lame attempt to be funny.

"Oliver, you aren't making any sense," she replied calmly, trying to assure herself that it was just some kind of joke. An incredibly sick joke, but a joke nonetheless.

"I want you to marry me," Oliver repeated, squeezing her hand a little. "I want you to be Mrs. Queen, or Smoak-Queen or whatever you want," he told her, his eyes shining as if he had suddenly made the discovery of the century. "I can change my name, if you want to, but I want to be able to have called myself your husband before you..." He trailed off, inhaling sharply.

"Before I die?" she finished for him, knowing that it still pained him to say the words. Oliver only nodded, closing his eyes.

"Yes," he confirmed. It was clear that he was still having trouble accepting the fact that she wouldn't be here with him soon. Felicity figured that that was where all this talk about her marrying him was coming from.

"Are you out of your mind?" she asked him. "I won't marry you because I'm dying!" Her eyes were still wide, but her lips were turned up a little too. She didn't know if she was smiling because she couldn't believe Oliver was trying to get her to marry him, or because she was trying to assure him that she was fine with dying.

His expression turned serious instantly as he looked at her. "Will you marry me because you love me then?" he retorted stubbornly.

Felicity's face fell. He was actually being serious with her? It wasn't just a spur of the moment, crazy idea that he had come up with while on a prolonged coffee-run?

"Why are you doing this?" she asked him, her voice so small that she barely recognized it herself.

"Because I know that I love you and I know that you love me too," he told her, sounding so confident that her heart started beating just a little bit faster, "and I think we should spend the days that remain of your life together. I want us to be together in every way and I want to be able to tell everyone one day, that you were my wife, even if it only was for a short time."

Tears were threatening to fall from her eyes, because she couldn't keep her emotions at bay anymore. This seriously couldn't be happening...

"Oliver..." She couldn't get any other words out, so she just shut her mouth and looked at him.

"I love you, Felicity," he told her again. "I love you and I'm proposing to you. You and everyone else might think I'm crazy, but I don't care, because I'm not doing this out of pity or any other excuse you'll try to make up. I'm doing this out of selfishness, for myself, and love, for you, and I just want you to be my wife damn it! And I would have asked you to marry me, even if you had gotten better, because I can't imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone other than  _you_!"

His word hit her hard and she didn't know what else she could say to convince him that the best thing for him would be to get as far away from her as possible while he still could.

"You can't think like that," she said. "You might meet someone someday and-"

"I don't care," he interrupted her. "I don't know what will happen ten years from now and I don't want to think about that. All I know, is that in this moment and for the following days, I want to be Mr. Felicity Smoak, or whatever the hell you want to call me. I want you and I will always want you. So please, will you let me have you? Will you marry me?" He reached for his pocked and took out a small blue box. It made sense now, why it had taken him so long to come back from his coffee run. Felicity swallowed thickly as he opened the box, only to reveal a beautiful platinum engagement ring with a simple emerald cut diamond and band decorated with smaller diamonds.

It was so simple, yet so beautiful and Felicity's heart ached when she looked up to meet Oliver's gaze again. Her heart was pounding in her chest as he waited for her reply, still holding onto her hand. She loved him, with all of her heart, and she knew he would hurt when she finally left him, but his earlier words rang in her ears. He was doing this out of selfishness for himself and out of love for her and she couldn't help but want to be a little selfish for herself too, while loving him.

"Yes," she whispered, her eyes sparkling, similarly to the diamond ring that he held in front of her. His face brightened and in that moment, Felicity didn't regret a single thing. Making him happy meant everything to her and when she'd whispered her answer, he had beamed so brightly and smiled so widely that her heart felt like it would explode from happiness.

He took her left hand and brushed his thumb across her ring finger and smiled up at her as he slid the ring home. Reaching up, he brushed the back of his hand against her cheek, before finally just resting his palm against it. He leaned over and pressed a soft kiss against her lips and she kissed him back because the small weight she felt on her finger was nothing compared to the weight that seemed to have magically disappeared from her chest as she realized something.

They were in love with each other and they were happy, despite being surrounded by pain and being headed toward tragedy. She didn't even care about that.

Not as long as she had Oliver by her side.

-§-

After Felicity agreed to marry Oliver, he told her that he wanted to give her the ceremony she deserved. Considering that she still wasn't ready to be released from the hospital, Oliver had convinced Dr. Applebeam to allow them to have the ceremony there, as long as the list of people attending the wedding was small.

Truthfully, Felicity herself had told Oliver that she didn't want anyone other than their closest friends there. She didn't even want to invite her mother, deciding that the woman would most likely try to stop the ceremony in some strange attempt to protect Felicity. When they had discussed it together, they had agreed that Diggle was a given as best man and that Thea would get to be Felicity's maid of honor and only bride's maid.

After breaking the news to Diggle and Thea about their engagement, Thea had broken down in tears and embraced Felicity as tightly as she could while still being gentle so she wouldn't pull her stitches and welcomed her to the family. Diggle had asked them whether they were sure, but got a little teary-eyed when Oliver asked him to stand by his side at the day of the ceremony. In the end, Oliver and Felicity also told them that they could bring a plus one, which ultimately led to Roy and Lyla being there for the ceremony too as witnesses.

Thea assisted the nurses to help Felicity put on her dress. It was a simple creamy white dress that seemed to flow as she moved across the floor. The sweetheart neckline had always been something Felicity had wished for and the lace that covered her arms only made her feel even more beautiful as it also covered her back, showing some of her creamy skin. Despite not having much hair on her head, she had refused to wear her wig because she knew that Oliver would never want her to wear it. Instead, Thea helped her put on her veil over the short strands of dirty blonde hair that had grown out, before pulling back to look at her.

"You look stunning, Felicity," Thea told her, tears in her eyes. The younger Queen sibling was wearing a simple baby-blue dress and her hair was curled and pinned to one side, draped over her shoulder.

"Thank you, Thea," Felicity said, looking at herself in the mirror the nurses had moved into her room. "Could you give me my flats?" she asked, pointing at the white shoes by the end of her bed. The reflection of her engagement ring made her breath catch and she had a hard time believing that this was really happening.

Thea walked around the bed and picked up the flats, helping Felicity pull the shoes on before stepping back. Felicity didn't try to stand up yet though, knowing that she wasn't strong enough to stand without support. She was still a little uncomfortable after the surgery, but  _this_ , marrying Oliver, meant so much to her that she wanted to do it, no matter how much it might hurt later on.

There was a knock on the door and Felicity looked up as Thea opened it. Outside stood Diggle, all dressed up in his suit, a genuine smile on his face as he took her him.

"Felicity," he beamed. "You look so beautiful."

"Thank you, Dig," she grinned back at him. "You look quite beautiful too... Or is handsome a better way to describe a man? Dashing, that's it! You're  _dashing_ , Diggle!"

Her friend chuckled and Thea let out a small giggle, covering her mouth with her hand. Felicity smiled widely at them, glad that she was still able to make them happy with her comments.

"Are you ready?" Diggle asked her.

"Are you?" Felicity countered. "Is Oliver?"

Oliver had insisted that she stay in her room and prepare all day while he prepared the dining room in the hospital for the ceremony. He had made sure that the security was high in the building so that there wouldn't be any disturbances or cameras present. The only one who had been allowed to film the ceremony, was Roy, and that was only because Thea had managed to convince Oliver that he might one day want to look back at this day.

"Everything is ready," Diggle smiled. "And so is the groom." With those words, he walked up to her to where she sat on the bed and offered her both of his hands. Ever so slowly, so they wouldn't pull on the oxygen-tubes that were stuck in her nose, he lifted her from the bed to stand up. "There's something missing," Diggle frowned, looking at her face.

"What?" Felicity's face fell, glancing toward Thea who started looking through her make-up bag.

"Aha!" Thea triumphantly exclaimed. "Oliver gave me strict orders only to use this," she said, waving around a familiar lipstick. She walked up to Felicity and helped her coat her lips with it and when the younger woman pulled away, Felicity recognized the familiar, vibrant pink color that she always wore. Felicity couldn't help but smile at the fact that Oliver had requested this particular color for today too.

"Perfect," Diggle smiled, stepping forward to embrace her. She hugged him back with all her power before pulling away.

"Let's go, before Oliver decides to leave me at the altar," she joked, making Diggle chuckle.

"I think he's more worried about  _you_  getting cold feet," he winked, pulling her veil over her face before offering her his arm. Thea walked over to her with a bouquet of white lilies and light blue forget-me-not flowers that were tied together with a blue ribbon.

"I'll see you at the end of the hallway," Thea said, giving her a one-armed hug before taking her own bouquet and heading toward the door.

"Thea!" Felicity called, making the girl turn around to face her. "I just wanted to say thank you... For everything. I don't think Oliver and I could have pulled this day off without your help to plan it."

Thea looked at her for a quiet moment. "It was my pleasure, Felicity," she smiled at her softly. "I promised my brother that I would help make this the best day of your life and I am very determined to keep that promise." Thea turned around, fully facing her again. "I want to thank  _you,_ Felicity. Because you've made my brother happy, despite everything that has happened over the course of these last few months. I can see that he truly loves you and even though you haven't told him so in words yet, I know that you love him too. You've both been through so much and you deserve a shot at happiness, no matter how short or long it is."

Felicity could feel tears threatening to fall as she smiled back at Thea.

"Don't cry," Thea said. "You're becoming a Queen today and you're becoming my sister and a part of my family. Only happy tears are allowed and they are scheduled after the ceremony," she winked.

"Thank you," Felicity choked out again. "I will never forget what you've done for me."

Thea only nodded and stuck her head out in the hallway. She turned back once more and smiled at Felicity one last time before stepping out in the hallway.

"It's a long walk, Felicity," Diggle pointed out. "Are you sure you don't want to ride in the wheelchair at least half-way to the dining room?"

"I'm sure, Dig," Felicity insisted. "When I reach the end of that hallway and see Oliver, it'll be worth it."

"As you wish, Ms. Smoak," Diggle said, as they walked out of the room. A nurse was waiting for them in the hallway and she helped Felicity remove the oxygen tank. She refused to have it with her and she didn't  _really_  need it. It was just important for her to get clean oxygen into her lungs from time to time, to gain some strength.

Felicity's breath caught in her throat though, when she turned to face the hallway she would be walking through. The lights had been dimmed, candles had been lit, lighting up her path as soft music played in the distance. She began walking with Diggle, her fingers trembling the closer she got to the end.

People had opened their hospital room doors to look at the beautiful, young bride that was making her way down the hallway. Most of them were older and they didn't even know who it was that was getting married, but they still stood in their doorways, smiling at the sight in front of them. They had been sworn to secrecy, as had the hospital staff. Felicity hadn't wanted the paparazzi to learn about her and Oliver's secret wedding, because they wouldn't have been able to enjoy their day if they were being followed by flashing lights.

They reached the dining room and Felicity stopped, staring at the man she loved with all her heart. He was standing in the middle of a circle of candles. On the floor, forget-me-not flower petals had been strewn and a harpist was playing a soft version of the wedding march. Thea stood in her designated spot and Roy and Lyla were both sitting on the two chairs that they had put out for them. By the wall, Dr. Applebeam, some other doctors and nurses stood too, watching her with smiles as she began walking toward Oliver and the priest. Oliver had asked her if she wanted a rabbi to perform the ceremony, or at least have one present, but she told him that she didn't care, as long as someone who had the right to, married them. But that wasn't important though, because the only thing she could see, were Oliver's bright blue eyes that sparkled as she made her way toward him.

She swallowed back happy tears as she approached him. He was truly a sight, standing tall and more handsome than ever in his suit. She found herself wondering briefly how she had gotten so lucky to have him love her.

Diggle kissed her cheek and Oliver stepped up to take her hand, nodding at Diggle who gently put his hand on his shoulder before stepping to stand by his side. Felicity's eyes met Oliver's and she smiled at him. He looked like he wanted to say something to her, but instead, he stayed quiet and just looked at her, his eyes telling her everything she needed to know.

_You're beautiful._

_I love you._

_Always._

They stood there, facing each other, and Felicity felt completely lost in Oliver's eyes. They were holding hands and his thumb was brushing lightly over her engagement ring, his eyes sparkling with everything from fear to excitement.

The priest cleared his throat as the harpist stopped playing. "Dearly beloved," he began. "We have been gathered here today to be a part of this very important day of Oliver," he nodded at Oliver shortly, "and Felicity's," he smiled at her, "lives."

Oliver squeezed Felicity's hand lightly, his eyes never wavering from hers. She still couldn't believe this was happening.

"Today, we'll be their witnesses, as they join hands in matrimony," the priest continued. Felicity didn't hear much of what he said. He was talking about marriage and love and how Oliver's and her love seemed to be one of the deepest he had ever seen, not only because of their situation, but because of the way he had heard Oliver exhale as Felicity had stepped into his view and how Felicity herself had looked at Oliver as she'd walked toward him. The older man could have been going on and on about it for hours and Felicity felt like she should be paying more attention to him, but she was too distracted by Oliver to even care. By the way he was smiling at her, she realized that he was giving her all of his attention too, so she doubted either of them would ever be able to recite what the priest actually said about them before telling them that it was time for the vows.

Oliver, as the groom, took a small step toward her, opening his mouth to speak, but Felicity tightened her grip on his hand before he could. She turned to the priest, "Actually, could I maybe start?" she asked.

The minister, who looked genuinely surprised by her question turned to Oliver. Oliver only grinned at her and nodded. "Of course," the priest said, clasping his hands together as he looked at her.

Felicity glanced around the room for a second, before turning back to Oliver. She was pretty sure that her hands would be trembling like crazy if he wasn't holding them and the nerves almost got the better of her for a second, before she managed to set her mind straight.

"Oliver," she began slowly. "You and I have never been very... _traditional_ ," she decided, "which is why I didn't think you'd mind if I went first with this. I know we agree to say something short and personal in our vows. Personal, I can do, but short... Well, you know me," she shrugged, earning a low chuckle from Oliver and snicker from Diggle. "I have a few things that I want to tell you, now that I know that I have your attention and when I know that you can't run out on me... Actually, you could, but I think that would be considered you leaving me at the altar, which I would never forgive you for since I agreed to marry you." She inhaled sharply, "And I'm babbling, while trying to get to my actual vow;  _nice_." She shook her head at herself and smiled at him. "As I was saying: you and I have never been much for tradition and we've most certainly not been a very traditional couple. Actually, I don't really know whether we could count ourselves as being an  _official_  couple even, since we just sort of  _happened_. But it doesn't matter how we got here," she told him. "The important thing is that I'm happy that we  _are_  here."

Oliver continued to smile at her, but she wasn't finished yet. "When I first met you, I never would have thought that we would become so close to each other. I never would have expected to become dependent of having you there, as my friend first and foremost and as someone I really care about secondly. I know that these last few months haven't been easy on you, dealing with me and my illness would take it's toll on anyone and I honestly wouldn't have judged you if you had decided to leave me and everything else behind..."

"Felicity," Oliver said, emotion clear in his tone.

"No," she interrupted him. "You wait your turn," she determinately said. A chorus of chuckles rang through the hospital's dining room and she was suddenly happy that the veil concealed her face well enough to hide the blush that crept up her cheeks. "I want to thank you, Oliver. I want to thank you for always being there for me when things got rough and for always being there to bring me back up when I was down. And now, you need to listen to me," she said, her voice getting low and serious. "I know you don't want to hear it, but I need to say it and I need to know that I said it to you."

She didn't move, except for her thumbs gently caressing his which were still clasping hers, holding on for dear life. "I don't regret anything," sh told him. "Meeting you, joining you on this journey..." It was clear to what she was referring to. She had already told him once that she didn't regret joining Team Arrow and that she didn't regret meeting him at all. "If I had the choice, I would do it all over again. Every fight, every conversation, every moment and every second inbetween. I wouldn't change a single thing," she said, a tear finally rolling down her cheek. "You've made me so  _incredibly happy_ , and for that I will always be thankful." Oliver looked down briefly and she knew that he was trying to hide his own tears. She reached up to his cheek with one hand and forced him to look up at her. He did, the tears there as he gave her a smile. No matter how small it might have been, it was there and it gave her the strength to keep going. "We need to be real, Oliver," she continued, determination not only set in her expression, but also evident in her voice. "We both know how this is going to end, ultimately, but even though we've both chosen to ignore that for the time being, I want to tell you that I don't want you to find a way to blame yourself. I know  _you_ , and I know that you will try to do it. Oliver, you've been through so much in your life already and I don't want you to blame yourself for whatever happens to me too. When I'm gone, I want you to keep living, not only for yourself, but for me too. I don't want to leave knowing that your spirit followed me and whatever happens, I am sure, that we will meet again, one day." She closed her eyes and gathered her thoughts for a moment. "I wish there was a more romantic way for me to say this, because I've waited so long to say it," she explained, "but there isn't. All I have left to say, is that I don't want you to think I regret anything that has happened between us and I most certainly don't regret falling in love with you." His eyes met hers and happiness literally radiated off of him at her words. She smiled," Because I do. I truly, wholeheartedly, love you."

It felt like a century passed them by, but she was stuck in the moment, with Oliver looking at her as if she was giving him the world with her words.

"Felicity," Oliver started, saying her name as if it gave him the answer to every problem in the world. "You say that we haven't been a very traditional couple and I know that you deep down think that without your illness, we wouldn't be standing here today. I want to tell you something that will change the way you think about that," he said, smiling despite the tears in his eyes. "I want to remind you of a motorcycle ride," he smiled secretively, "and I want you to consider that our first official date, because that was the moment I realized that I never wanted to watch the stars with anyone but you. I want you to remember the movie nights we had and the walks we used to take together through the city,  _before_  you got sick, and I want to tell you that I knew even then that you meant more to me than most of the people in my life. I want to tell you that I loved you, before I even realized that I loved you." It was his turn to take a breath and all she could do was watch him as she recalled the things he spoke of. "You know that I don't make promises easily," he said. "Especially to you, because I would hate myself for not being able to keep them, but today, I'll be making a few of them and I want  _you_  to listen to  _me_  this time." His thumb brushed against her ring again. "I know that I haven't been very good at words since I returned from the Island, but when it comes to you and this moment right here,  _our wedding_ ," he smiled, "I have never been more sure about the words that I am about to say." He squeezed her hand again and she breathed in calmly, the lit candles and the dim light around them gave him some kind of  _shine_  that she had never seen before. "I promise that I'll love you, for as long as I live," he began again. "I promise that I'll keep living and that I'll never forget you. I promise that every day that we have left together, will be the best day of your life," he said, his voice shaky but still so incredibly sure. "I promise that I won't give up and that I'll keep fighting, even when you leave me... I love you, Felicity."

Two platinum rings engraved with the word "forever" were exchanged that evening and the kiss lasted a few seconds longer than people had been expecting, but in the end, when the minister pronounced them husband and wife, Felicity couldn't help but feel like she'd finally found her way home.

-§-

In the end, they got a blissful month together. The first three weeks were filled with laughter and happiness, Oliver succeeding in making sure that every day that she spent with him was better than the day before. Felicity told him once thought that her favorite "best-day-ever" would always be the day they had gotten married.

Felicity was discharged from the hospital soon after their wedding and the doctors would usually come around once a day to check on her at home, but neither Oliver nor Felicity chose to think about those moments. Instead, they both focused on being happy together, cherishing the small amount of time they had left together. He would spend endless hours at night murmuring sweet words into her ear as he kissed her and Felicity would tell him she loved him every second the chance revealed itself.

Diggle and Lyla came by together from time to time, but since Lyla had to return to work, Diggle visited by himself more often. He understood that the newlyweds needed their alone time, but they wanted to have their friend close, Felicity especially, who was trying to get in as much time with her two men as possible. Thea stopped by with Roy a few times and they ate dinner together. Sometimes, Oliver and Felicity's emotions would get the better of them and they would just sit together in silence, holding onto each other as they cried over the fact that their time would soon come to an end...but they didn't like to dwell on it and usually, it was a comment from Felicity that made Oliver kiss her, which led to them forgetting about everything that was wrong, at least for a few hours.

So when Felicity's health turned for the worse and she ended up in the hospital again, worse than ever, they both agreed that they were grateful for the small amount of time that they had gotten together.

Thea confronted Oliver once in the hospital, telling him that she wanted to tell their mother that her son needed her for the inevitably hard time that was ahead of him, but he had refused to be the one to call her in London. Instead, he asked Thea to do so and when Moira finally called him back, she expressed her shock at learning that her only son had gotten married, to his Executive Assistant no less, in secret.

"I love her, mom," he'd said over the phone, his voice breaking.

"Oliver, don't you know what people will say about this? They'll think it-"

"She's dying," he interrupted, before she had a chance to finish her sentence. "She has progressed stomach cancer and I realized too late that I love her, that I've loved her since the moment I got to know her. So I married her and she doesn't want anything from me, because she knows that she won't survive this, and even if she did, she would only want  _me_."

Moira processed his words in silence before finally speaking, "I'm sorry, Oliver. I'll take the company jet back to the States as soon as possible. I want you to know that I am here for you and I love you."

When Moira finally did come home to Starling City, she brought Walter with her and the man was saddened to learn about Felicity, who had by then slipped into a coma. Oliver sat by her side all the time, holding onto her hand, like he'd done since the moment this all began. Diggle, Thea, Moira, Walter, and even Roy were in the room with him when Dr. Applebeam stepped inside.

"Mr. Queen," he said sadly. "Oliver..." he sighed, when Oliver didn't reply. "I'm afraid there's nothing left for us to do now. It's just a matter of time now and all we have to do is wait it out. We've given her medicine against her pain and all there's left to do, is to wait for her heart to stop by itself." Oliver knew that the doctor needed to be blunt with him, but it still hurt and he couldn't help but hold onto Felicity's hand a little tighter, willing her to stay with him for at least a little while longer. He felt a hand on his shoulder, but didn't turn away from Felicity's face. "She's holding on for you, Oliver," the doctor said. "She needs to know that it's okay for her to leave, so that she can let go and find peace. I'm sorry." With that, Dr. Applebeam stepped out of the room and once again left Oliver alone with Felicity and their family.

He watched her for another minute before sighing. It was time and he knew it too. There would be no coming back from this for her and his heart hurt knowing that he wouldn't wake up tomorrow with her by his side. His partner, his wife, his great love...

He buried his face in the crook of her neck, breathing in the perfume that still lingered on her and kissed her cheek once. He looked up at her again and kissed her softly on the lips before leaning back down to her ear.

"Felicity," he whispered, his voice low and broken. "It's okay, Felicity. I love you and it's okay," he said, tears finally falling from his eyes. His thumb brushed against the rings on her finger and he kissed her cheek again. "It's okay to let go. I'll be okay and I'll take care of everyone... I promise that I'll be okay and that we'll meet again. I love you," he cried, squeezing his eyes shut as he cried against her shoulder, wishing hopelessly that she would open her eyes and tell him again how much she loved him too.

A long beep filled the room and somewhere in the distance, he heard Thea's choked sob. The sound stopped and Oliver glanced up to see Diggle's hand on the off-switch. The older man wasn't even trying to cover up the tears that were falling on his cheeks. Oliver turned back to Felicity's still form and once again let the tears fall. He cradled her cheeks and brushed his lips against hers once more, hating that she would never again reciprocate his kiss.

She had found peace after months of struggling and he had promised her that he would try to find it himself after she left him. For now though, he allowed himself some time to grieve.

-§-

A week later, the funeral was held.

Oliver called Felicity's mother and her step-father personally, consoling the woman he had never actually met over the fact that her daughter was no longer alive. He invited them to the funeral, but only the step-father came, because the mother had been far to upset to attend.

They had been shocked to hear that Felicity had gotten married to Oliver and even more shocked when Oliver explained that Felicity had requested to be buried with his name. The beautiful white tombstone made out of marble was engraved with " Felicity Queen", her maiden name written there only because Oliver wanted everyone to know who she had been. The ceremony was a quiet ordeal, only family and close friends present, as Felicity had told Oliver she wanted it. She had also told him that she wanted to be buried in the Queen's private cemetery, if it wasn't too much to ask for. He had of course looked at her like she'd gone crazy, telling her that she was a Queen in every way and that there wasn't a question about it. Yet, Oliver had barely been able to get himself out of bed that morning to attend the funeral they had discussed over dinner one late night. If Diggle and Thea hadn't been there to practically force him to keep his promise to Felicity, he never would have made it that far and as he stood in front of everyone that day, he told them just how much he loved Felicity and how much he would always love her without any sign of hesitation in his tone.

Somehow, the media caught up with all the secrecy after the funeral and when they did, the tabloids started spewing out articles on "Just who was Felicity Smoak?". They used every record possible to get information on her and when printed a story about her illness. None of it actually bothered Oliver, until Diggle walked up to him one day with an article that said that he had married Felicity out of pity.

The thought angered him and immediately, he called one of his friends in the local newspaper, scheduling an interview. He made it clear to everyone in the world that he had  _not_  married Felicity because he felt sorry for her and for the first time since the Island, he opened up to the press genuinely, telling them how he had been in love with the woman long before he even learned that she was sick.

Their love story was the biggest buzz on the Internet for months, but for Oliver, the most important things was that everyone in the world learned that Felicity Smoak had been his wife, just as he had been hers, not only as her husband, but as everything he could be.

-§-

_Five years later..._

Oliver walked side by side with the little boy through the garden. When he had been contacted by child services a year ago, only to learn that Sandra, the girl he had impregnated before the Island and who he had thought had lost the baby, had died in a car crash and left him a son, he had been shocked, to say the least.

A few days after the phone call, the eleven-year old boy had showed up at his door, telling him his name was Connor and that he didn't need Oliver because he didn't need a dad. Nevertheless, Oliver had felt obligated to try and take care of the boy who had just lost his mother, but things for them had a slow start.

Now, a year later, they had come to some kind of understanding. They were living together in the Queen Mansion and Oliver was trying desperately to balance everything that was Arrow business, Queen Consolidated and being a single parent. Diggle and Lyla helped him out of course, having some experience under their belt from dealing with their own children, but there was only so much they could do. Oliver knew that he and Connor were  _friends_. He adored the boy to no end and he had grown to love him so deeply, that inside he longed for him to acknowledge him as something other than a 'friend'.

That was why he had decided to take him to  _her_  today. He knew that even though she wasn't there, she would help him somehow to get through to the boy.

"Why are we taking this path?" Connor asked, looking around the garden as the spring wind swirled around them. "You've never let me play this far out before."

"I want you to see something... Or rather, I want you to meet someone," Oliver explained calmly, looking down at the blue-eyes boy. Sometimes, if he squinted, Connor's blue eyes were the exact shade of Felicity's eyes and he wondered sadly what their children would have looked like...

"Raisa told me that this part of the garden is the Queen cemetery," Connor smartly said. "There's no one to meet there."

"Connor," Oliver said. "Even though the people buried there can't reply to us, it doesn't mean that they can't hear us."

The now twelve-year-old boy raised his eyebrow at him, giving him a skeptical look. "Are you crazy, Oliver?" he asked, making Oliver laugh, clutching the lilies and forget-me-not flowers in his hand a little tighter.

"Sometimes, I wonder the same thing myself," Oliver replied as they reached their destination. The white tombstone was still as beautiful as it had been the day it had been raised. He glanced at Connor who stood still, reading the name on it as Oliver placed the bouquet of flowers in front of the stone. He crouched down, trailing the engraved letters with his fingers, letting out a small sigh.

"'Felicity Queen'... Who was she?" Connor asked quietly after a while, but when Oliver looked up at him, he knew the young boy understood more than he was letting on. Connor's eyes flickered to Felicity's name again and then to the ring that Oliver still wore on his left hand.

"She was my best friend," Oliver confessed. "She was also my wife... For a too short time, but the very best time of my life."

"What happened to her?" Connor asked, looking at the white and blue flowers by the grave.

"She got sick," Oliver explained. "Terribly sick, and then she passed away... She died five years ago, on this day." His thumb brushed his index-finger as he gritted his teeth. It still hurt, even after five years. He would never be able to forget the last words he had said to her. How he'd told her that he would be okay, even after she left him and how he promised not to give up. He never would have made it this far without Diggle, Thea and even Roy. His mother was supportive too of course, but she hadn't always been there when he needed her. After Roy and Thea learned of his alter ego as the Arrow, Thea had started ranting on how much more sense his relationship with Felicity made and then, she'd proceeded to learn everything she could about computers, trying desperately to honor his wife's memory. Roy joined his crusade as well, begin trained by both him and Diggle and it had been a welcome distraction. It didn't take away the pain though and it most certainly didn't make him forget. He didn't try to move on to someone else because Felicity had been  _it_  for him. Instead, he focused on being the hero she had always thought he was. When he found out about Connor, a part of him was absolutely terrified, but another was thrilled. Having Connor, would mean that he might not have to grow old all alone... Now, he couldn't imagine living without the boy; his son.

"You were married to her?" Connor asked, bringing him back to the present.

"Yes, I told you she was my wife," Oliver confirmed.

"And she died?" Oliver could only nod. "You loved her... Right?"

"Very much," Oliver said. "Still do."

"And you miss her?"

"Every day."

Connor looked down and when he looked back up, he had tears in his eyes. "Just like I miss mom? You loved her a lot and then she died and left you alone. Do you hurt too, dad?"

Oliver's heart beat quickened. This was the first time that Connor had called him 'dad' and it had stirred some kind of feeling inside of him that he hadn't even known he was possible of feeling. To be honest, he wouldn't even be able to put a name to that particular feeling, but it was still there.

"Yes," Oliver admitted. "I do. I hurt and I think about Felicity every day. Do you think about your mother, Connor?"

The boy looked down at the ground before nodding. "Yeah, I do. A lot."

They had never really talked about Connor's mother, mostly because neither one of them was very good with words. Maybe that was what their connection had been missing? They were both too caught up in their own grief that instead of helping each other overcome it, they pushed each other away.

Oliver knelt down on the ground in front of his son and put his hand on his shoulder. The gesture made Connor look up at him, eyes filled with tears. "Do you want to tell me about her? Your mom, I mean?" Oliver asked. "I knew her when we were younger and it might be good for you to talk about what happened. I know it was all very sudden and I know that the pain doesn't go away easily."

Connor nodded, his lips curling up in a small smile- a smile similar to the ones Oliver used to make when he was younger. "Okay," the boy agreed. "But if you're going to listen to me talk about mom, then I want you to tell me about your wife, Felicity."

Once again that  _something_  swirled inside of Oliver. "I can agree to those terms," he nodded, standing up again, offering the boy his hand. The fact that Connor took it and then stepped closer and embraced him too, meant that that he was finally making progress with him. He was bonding with his son and making him open up to him, which was something Oliver had never imagined he would be able to do.

"Can we get some ice-cream too?" Connor asked after they said their good-bye's to Felicity. "I really liked that chocolate mint chip you made me try the other day..."

Oliver grinned at him, glancing back at Felicity's gravestone. The spring sun warmed him and the breeze caught up again. He could almost see her standing there in front of him, smiling brightly at him for making progress with Connor. He knew deep inside that she would have scolded him for not realizing sooner that all Connor really needed, was for someone to open up to and then she would have made him buy two pints of ice-cream so that she and Connor could share it together while shooting glares his way.

"Sure, Con," Oliver replied, ruffling the boy's hair.

"Dad!" the boy chuckled, sprinting forward a bit so that he would get away from him.

"I'll race you to the house?" Oliver asked and Connor grinned at him.

"It's a  _mansion_ ," he corrected. "And you're too old to race me!" he said before running off. Oliver glanced back again, inhaling the scent of lilies that surrounded him, before running after the young boy, laughing for the first time in years.

-§-

He saw her again thirty-seven years later, when he closed his eyes for the final time. He was surrounded by his loved ones; his son making sure that he wasn't alone at any time. Connor, his grandchildren, Thea and Roy along with their children and Lyla with her children and grandchildren were all there as they watched him exhale his final breath.

When he opened his eyes again, the young, beautiful blonde with fuchsia lips was grinning widely at him as she walked closer to him. She was walking side by side with Diggle, who had left them two years prior and Oliver couldn't help but grin at the sight of them. She reached for him with her left hand, her rings glittering in the bright light, her blonde tresses braided together with baby-blue forget-me-not flowers. He didn't hesitate for even a second as he took her hand in his and entwined their fingers, allowing her to lead him to their forever.

**Author's Note:**

> So...what did you think?
> 
> A lot of people mentioned weddings and stuff in the reviews for Crumbled Papers and I really couldn't get the idea out of my head, so I HAD to write it! I sincerely hope you liked it and if you didn't, well, be kind anyway...
> 
> Oh, and we all know that Felicity and Oliver will get married sooner or later after the "real ending", so yeah... And I needed the slightly positive ending too so, they met again and were reunited, just as they promised! Oliver grew old taking care of Connor and had his family and friends around him, so he was never alone and Felicity waited for him.
> 
> Now, feel free to cry and review if you want (which is highly appreciated- the reviews, I mean!).
> 
> Thank you for reading the story and for supporting me! I love each and every one of you! xx


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